He told me my voice was like heaven to his ears. It hurt so much to hear that, yet all I wanted was to melt in his arms. “Don’t say that” was all I could muster. “Please, don’t say that..”
So let me tell you a story.
Last Thursday I was nonchalantly using my laptop, which is nothing out of the ordinary. Everything was going fine until my hand slipped and I spilled a glass full of water (well maybe 3/4 full to be exact) on my macbook. Now let me tell you, I was shocked, mad and disappointed in myself that it happened. Not only was I disappointed the most because it had to happen on my veryyyy expensive laptop, I was also disappointed because that laptop was my (early) graduation present that I only had for 4 months. I was full of emotions and was thinking of every possible solution for this unfortunate situation. I really didn’t want to tell my parents about it, especially my dad, but I knew I had to if I wanted to get this mess fixed.
Eventually, I told my dad later that day and surprisingly he wasn’t as mad as I expected him to be. Instead, he was patient, understanding and supportive. It was odd (since my dad and I can argue.. a lot!) but I accepted it. He made me feel better about the situation and for that, I was relieved.
Fast forward to today, I went to the Apple store and had an appointment with one of those “geniuses”. I can’t say that I was satisfied with the outcome because basically what he told me was that I have to buy a new laptop if I want to be sure of my laptop being free of all water damage. So of course, as a non-working student who is graduating soon, that is not something I want to hear. So I called my dad for guidance and advice. Again he made me feel better about the situation, because really, it’s just a laptop.
Now as I’m sitting here, I’m thinking how silly I have been acting over a laptop. I mean, yes it costs a fortune, but what is that compared to living healthily and having friends and family who are there to support you. I am so blessed that I have people in my life whom I love dearly. I am so glad that I have my dad who has helped me so much in this situation. Granted my laptop isn’t fixed but I’m sure some other solution will come up.
The most important thing for me right now is the lesson I’ve learned. Of course, I’ve learned to not put a full glass of water beside my laptop (duh), but what I’ve learnt most is that the materialistic things are not nearly as important as the friendships we share and the love we can give. I am more than blessed in this life. I may want to have my macbook back, but whether it works again or not, I am positive that I have what I need.
Me and my boyfriend, Pusheen style. Haha
Do you ever get that feeling of disappointment when the people you’d think would be there for you the most, aren’t even there?
(wrote this a couple months back but thought I’d share.)
If you were to ask me how I’m feeling right now I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I don’t know whether I’m sad or lonely, happy or relieved, or just plain down. I know that due to our situation it’s just not possible to have spent this day together, but to not have spent this day together at all makes me a bit sad. And you know it’s weird because I’ve never, in my life, felt this sad about not having “someone”. I’ve always just been content with being single or with you not by my side, but I felt differently this time around. I don’t know whether it’s because I tried to buy my happiness or the fact that I realized I didn’t have anyone. I mean, what does that mean? Does it make me a bad person that I just wanted you to myself? I know that you were busy all day but still.. it kinda hurts. I don’t really know. You still texted me but it wasn’t the same. It’s never the same. I can deal with not physically being with you, but I can’t deal with not being with you at all. I felt so lonely. I felt like crying and I did a bit, but I told myself to stop being stupid. Am I crazy? Am I selfish? Maybe I am. Maybe I don’t have to ask myself these questions. Maybe I know all the answers to these questions. Maybe I’m just trying to hide behind a facade. Maybe I just need you. Maybe I just need.
I’m sorry God for filling my thoughts and words with negativity. I now realize that I am living a gift.
I feel like being mad at the world, but maybe I’ll just sleep.
Why am I always the bad guy? I just don’t know how to feel anymore. I’m in a mix of in betweens. Whatever. I don’t know.
If you know me or even follow me on twitter, you would know that during school I can be a real debbie downer. It’s not that I want to be that way, but to make it short and simple—school makes me crazy. This is why I just wanted to take the time to be thankful. I am so grateful for the holidays in which I am able to have the time off school to relax, destress and spend quality time with people whom I love.
As cliche as it sounds, the holidays allow me to enjoy being around my family. I love the good vibes the holidays bring. I do feel myself to be more happy and positive because I’m just always in a good mood these days, I love it! I really do hope that my positivity will last throughout the new year, especially when I go back to school.
On another note, I am grateful that throughout this crazy ice storm in Toronto, our area didn’t lose power like other areas did. I know more than a couple of people who have lost power in their houses. I can’t imagine how they are surviving in these cold winter days without power. However, I know that there are a lot more people in other countries who have it worse. I am just so thankful for being blessed with a warm, cozy house (although it does get pretty chilly in my room) which I can stay in, despite the crazy winter weather we have this year. All I can hope for is that others, who don’t have power in their houses, will still feel the warmth of their families and their loved ones.
I know I rambled on more than usual but I just really wanted to share my gratitude. It’s late and I should probably get some sleep, but I’m going to wait for my boyfriends call. I’m so grateful that I get to see him next week :) I am blessed.. I am. <3
I hate having these moments. Having these crazy expectations for myself when really I should just slow it down, breathe and remember that it takes time. I did it once so I can do it again. I got this.