It starts today!
Although I’m writing this at 5am, I have consciously made the decision that I am gonna change my perspective on life and change my habits. If I don’t start now, when am I gonna do it? When I’m 30? No.. because I’m gonna do it right now (well, in a few hours).
These past few months after graduation has been somewhat bittersweet. I mean, yes I’m done with school (in the meantime), but what good is that if I’m not doing anything about it? I know this isn’t just me because people who have graduated tell me all the time that they too have been in the same position. I’m not gonna sugar coat it and say, “oh it’s just a phase”. That’s only an excuse. I don’t want to make excuses anymore. It sucks! Not only because I’m not doing anything about it, but because it makes me feel worthless and pathetic. I feel pathetic waking up past noon. I feel pathetic not being able to be financially stable. I feel pathetic that I have spent years in school just to lay in bed and sleep? What?! That’s not right at all.
Although these past few months have been a roller coaster of losing and losing some more, I feel that if I weren’t in this position, I wouldn’t be able to realize that I am worth more than this. I can live my dreams and pursue my goals if I just start now. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but as long as I start then I know I will get there.
Believe me, if you’re in the same boat as me then take this as a reminder, as a boost of motivation. We are in this together. And guess what? You and I have something in common, and that is that we are starting today.
So tell me this, are you willing to start today?
Because I sure as hell am!
Sometimes I wish you’d just message me..
Caved in. Wtf.
…everything is a wtf moment these days.
I miss you. I miss being able to tell you the most random shit about my life. I miss hearing your voice. I miss your contagious laugh. I miss watching movies with you. I miss being with you. I miss your flaws. I miss your annoying habits. I miss everything about you. I just miss you. What the hell did I do?
I miss my best friend..
He told me my voice was like heaven to his ears. It hurt so much to hear that, yet all I wanted was to melt in his arms. “Don’t say that” was all I could muster. “Please, don’t say that..”
So let me tell you a story.
Last Thursday I was nonchalantly using my laptop, which is nothing out of the ordinary. Everything was going fine until my hand slipped and I spilled a glass full of water (well maybe 3/4 full to be exact) on my macbook. Now let me tell you, I was shocked, mad and disappointed in myself that it happened. Not only was I disappointed the most because it had to happen on my veryyyy expensive laptop, I was also disappointed because that laptop was my (early) graduation present that I only had for 4 months. I was full of emotions and was thinking of every possible solution for this unfortunate situation. I really didn’t want to tell my parents about it, especially my dad, but I knew I had to if I wanted to get this mess fixed.
Eventually, I told my dad later that day and surprisingly he wasn’t as mad as I expected him to be. Instead, he was patient, understanding and supportive. It was odd (since my dad and I can argue.. a lot!) but I accepted it. He made me feel better about the situation and for that, I was relieved.
Fast forward to today, I went to the Apple store and had an appointment with one of those “geniuses”. I can’t say that I was satisfied with the outcome because basically what he told me was that I have to buy a new laptop if I want to be sure of my laptop being free of all water damage. So of course, as a non-working student who is graduating soon, that is not something I want to hear. So I called my dad for guidance and advice. Again he made me feel better about the situation, because really, it’s just a laptop.
Now as I’m sitting here, I’m thinking how silly I have been acting over a laptop. I mean, yes it costs a fortune, but what is that compared to living healthily and having friends and family who are there to support you. I am so blessed that I have people in my life whom I love dearly. I am so glad that I have my dad who has helped me so much in this situation. Granted my laptop isn’t fixed but I’m sure some other solution will come up.
The most important thing for me right now is the lesson I’ve learned. Of course, I’ve learned to not put a full glass of water beside my laptop (duh), but what I’ve learnt most is that the materialistic things are not nearly as important as the friendships we share and the love we can give. I am more than blessed in this life. I may want to have my macbook back, but whether it works again or not, I am positive that I have what I need.
Me and my boyfriend, Pusheen style. Haha
Do you ever get that feeling of disappointment when the people you’d think would be there for you the most, aren’t even there?