the sound of love.

Sometimes I wish you’d just message me..

Caved in. Wtf.

…everything is a wtf moment these days. 

I miss you. I miss being able to tell you the most random shit about my life. I miss hearing your voice. I miss your contagious laugh. I miss watching movies with you. I miss being with you. I miss your flaws. I miss your annoying habits. I miss everything about you. I just miss you. What the hell did I do?

I miss my best friend.. 

He told me my voice was like heaven to his ears. It hurt so much to hear that, yet all I wanted was to melt in his arms. “Don’t say that” was all I could muster. “Please, don’t say that..

So let me tell you a story. 

Last Thursday I was nonchalantly using my laptop, which is nothing out of the ordinary. Everything was going fine until my hand slipped and I spilled a glass full of water (well maybe 3/4 full to be exact) on my macbook. Now let me tell you, I was shocked, mad and disappointed in myself that it happened. Not only was I disappointed the most because it had to happen on my veryyyy expensive laptop, I was also disappointed because that laptop was my (early) graduation present that I only had for 4 months. I was full of emotions and was thinking of every possible solution for this unfortunate situation. I really didn’t want to tell my parents about it, especially my dad, but I knew I had to if I wanted to get this mess fixed.

Eventually, I told my dad later that day and surprisingly he wasn’t as mad as I expected him to be. Instead, he was patient, understanding and supportive. It was odd (since my dad and I can argue.. a lot!) but I accepted it. He made me feel better about the situation and for that, I was relieved.

Fast forward to today, I went to the Apple store and had an appointment with one of those “geniuses”. I can’t say that I was satisfied with the outcome because basically what he told me was that I have to buy a new laptop if I want to be sure of my laptop being free of all water damage. So of course, as a non-working student who is graduating soon, that is not something I want to hear. So I called my dad for guidance and advice. Again he made me feel better about the situation, because really, it’s just a laptop.

Now as I’m sitting here, I’m thinking how silly I have been acting over a laptop. I mean, yes it costs a fortune, but what is that compared to living healthily and having friends and family who are there to support you. I am so blessed that I have people in my life whom I love dearly. I am so glad that I have my dad who has helped me so much in this situation. Granted my laptop isn’t fixed but I’m sure some other solution will come up. 

The most important thing for me right now is the lesson I’ve learned. Of course, I’ve learned to not put a full glass of water beside my laptop (duh), but what I’ve learnt most is that the materialistic things are not nearly as important as the friendships we share and the love we can give. I am more than blessed in this life. I may want to have my macbook back, but whether it works again or not, I am positive that I have what I need.

Me and my boyfriend, Pusheen style. Haha

Me and my boyfriend, Pusheen style. Haha

Do you ever get that feeling of disappointment when the people you’d think would be there for you the most, aren’t even there?

(wrote this a couple months back but thought I’d share.)

If you were to ask me how I’m feeling right now I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I don’t know whether I’m sad or lonely, happy or relieved, or just plain down. I know that due to our situation it’s just not possible to have spent this day together, but to not have spent this day together at all makes me a bit sad. And you know it’s weird because I’ve never, in my life, felt this sad about not having “someone”. I’ve always just been content with being single or with you not by my side, but I felt differently this time around. I don’t know whether it’s because I tried to buy my happiness or the fact that I realized I didn’t have anyone. I mean, what does that mean? Does it make me a bad person that I just wanted you to myself? I know that you were busy all day but still.. it kinda hurts. I don’t really know. You still texted me but it wasn’t the same. It’s never the same. I can deal with not physically being with you, but I can’t deal with not being with you at all. I felt so lonely. I felt like crying and I did a bit, but I told myself to stop being stupid. Am I crazy? Am I selfish? Maybe I am. Maybe I don’t have to ask myself these questions. Maybe I know all the answers to these questions. Maybe I’m just trying to hide behind a facade. Maybe I just need you. Maybe I just need.

Embracing life.

I’m sorry God for filling my thoughts and words with negativity. I now realize that I am living a gift.