the sound of love.

Dunno how much I can take. I’m trying my hardest. Seeing the way you act and think, it’s hurting me.. 

The moment you realize that not even loss itself can stop you, that sadness, despair, anger and fear cannot hold you back, is the moment you become perfect. Perfectly flawed, but perfect nonetheless.
Paul Hudson

When giving advice to someone, do you ever feel like that advice is directed towards you? Gotta learn to practice what I preach. 

Everyday feels like eternity without you. I’ve lived a thousand lives and I’m still missing you

Is it crazy that I still think you’re my soulmate? Life doesn’t feel the same without you. You were such a blessing in my life, you don’t even know. You were legitimately the bestest friend I’ve ever had. You passed no judgement, you accepted me for who I am, you loved me, you were there for me, you were everything to me. You were my favourite person. I’m still trying to figure out why it had to be this way. I know that only God knows, but I’d like an answer myself. I know I’ll realize it someday, but why does it have to be so hard? I still think about you everyday. Whether I think about messaging you or just a random memory that seems so long ago now.. all I know is that I miss you so fucking much. I’m just having one of those days and I know that you’d probably tell me not to cry and that I’m strong, but I’d probably tell you that I can’t help it, and just keep on crying. I’ve tried to hold it in all week but I can’t bare the thought of not having you in my life anymore. I don’t want to be selfish anymore which is why I don’t message you, even though I’m slowly dying inside because I want to soooo bad. I wish you knew this. For some sick reason I hope you read this.. I want to let you know that I still care about you so much. I miss you everyday and I still love you.. I really do love you..

What happened to us?

After all is said and done, what kills me the most is that I lost my best friend in the process..

If it’s meant to be, it will be..

It starts today!

Although I’m writing this at 5am, I have consciously made the decision that I am gonna change my perspective on life and change my habits. If I don’t start now, when am I gonna do it? When I’m 30? No.. because I’m gonna do it right now (well, in a few hours). 

These past few months after graduation has been somewhat bittersweet. I mean, yes I’m done with school (in the meantime), but what good is that if I’m not doing anything about it? I know this isn’t just me because people who have graduated tell me all the time that they too have been in the same position. I’m not gonna sugar coat it and say, “oh it’s just a phase”. That’s only an excuse. I don’t want to make excuses anymore. It sucks! Not only because I’m not doing anything about it, but because it makes me feel worthless and pathetic. I feel pathetic waking up past noon. I feel pathetic not being able to be financially stable. I feel pathetic that I have spent years in school just to lay in bed and sleep? What?! That’s not right at all.

Although these past few months have been a roller coaster of losing and losing some more, I feel that if I weren’t in this position, I wouldn’t be able to realize that I am worth more than this. I can live my dreams and pursue my goals if I just start now. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but as long as I start then I know I will get there.

Believe me, if you’re in the same boat as me then take this as a reminder, as a boost of motivation. We are in this together. And guess what? You and I have something in common, and that is that we are starting today. 

So tell me this, are you willing to start today?

Because I sure as hell am!